Emotions swagger back and forth inside as I think about the undertaking and all. Yesterday, my friend Oliver and I were brainstorming over sushi lunch as we discussed the ideas of my going back, all the possible projects and grants, and then designing a high quality intentional community upon return. When I'm on those topics, I'm "in the zone" almost swooning with energy and exuberance and passion. Close to tears of joy and compassion - it's when I always get a strong visual of those innocent gorillas with that soulful penetrating gaze into to the eyes of we humans as if to ask, "Why?" "Why are you doing this to us? We haven't hurt you! We haven't done anything to you" Why?" I'm researching this fact, but I believe that no gorilla has ever killed a human. Ever.
When I tap into this, there is no question in my mind what I want to do, what I must do. I am not just walking towards this goal - I am sprinting towards it. No need to ponder why I'm not getting something done to facilitate it. That's when I know absolutely it's the right direction.
Last night at a wonderful art opening of folk art, I made some potentially valuable connections with an art consultant, a grant writer, and a curator. Most exciting, too, I actually made arrangements to speak to 25 third graders at a nearby school about gorillas and the primates and conservation! The teacher I met is so excited; she said her students right now, for whatever reason, are "into" gorillas. They also undertake projects to help with causes - last year was Heifer International. She said it will be thrilling for them to meet and talk with a person who was actually in the jungle living out the experience with the primates rather than it being an abstract concept. And there is a strong possibility of them helping CWAF.
The "bad" is still the scary thoughts about income. And it is tapping into my childhood thoughts of poverty in my later years.
The "ugly" is my apartment right now because my projects are strewn all over it and I haven't done any housecleaning for a while!
