Save paper....save a tree...save a gorilla

I just read an article on the environmental makeover of 2 families, with Matthew Modine and actress Laurie David, who are both staunch eco-activists, teaching them how they can be more earth-friendly. When Laurie tells "her" family about saving paper, "When you see paper, think of a tree," a more accurate and powerful way to think about it is, "when you see paper, think of a tree; think of a gorilla or chimp."

It is the logging industry devastating the Congo rain forests which is largely responsible for the decimation of tens of thousands of animals, including elephants, gorillas, chimpanzees and monkeys. The animals are eaten for "bushmeat." Altogether, almost 90 million cubic meters of wood per year are removed from the forests of Central Africa and shipped to other continents.

This is due to:

• The animals' habitat is destroyed
• Logging roads penetrate deep into the forest making it easy for hunting
• Thousands of men on the crew are fed most economically and conveniently by the hiring of hunters with sophisticated weapons (provided by the logging companies), who kill the animals. That's why CWAF exists - the Cameroon Wildlife Aid Fund - where orphaned primates - the lucky ones - end up when their parents are killed and eaten.

So, think about it the next time you trash a kilo of wasted printer paper, or grab a gob of paper napkins at Pret a Manger, or toss 5 paper cups a day instead of a mug....save a tree, save a gorilla.

I launched my website!

My first website, http://www.peacefulportraits.com/, is up and running as of Monday! Check it out. It's mostly focusing on my artwork. It's really fascinating to compile a life's work and see in black and white the 'map" of the journey. And it's about animals and travel and art. Indeed, it always has been.

The website has a lot of work still - I am just a novice. But a friend kindly observed that websites are always in progress. It was actually so easy (relatively) to just go to Siteground.com and start building. What could be more fun than laying down on visible media the joys and dreams of one's personal experiences?

Today I submitted a nomination of Rachel Hogan to be nominated for a WINGS Worldquest award. WINGS's mission is to "celebrate and support extraordinary women explorers by promoting scientific exploration, education and conservation." wingsworldquest.org

Two nights ago I was surfing the Web for small baby bottles and nipples adequate for wee monkey babies. I found a site from Australia that makes bottles and nipples for various animals - and it lists them...wallabies, kangaroos, possoms, monkeys. Who knew???

That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. When I sent photos of my baby monkey Yoda to my Scanner family friends, my friend Amyla wrote back to the group, "Help. Can someone please come to my house in North Carolina and peel my heart off the living room floor where it has melted under the gaze of wee tiny Yoda in all her 'Yod-a-dorableness.' "

On order and writing

This morning when I woke up, I realized I could no longer work well - calmly - in a chaotic space. So I have spent part of the morning organizing all the papers into their various designated notebooks and in the computer. As Steven Pressfield so eloquently wrote in his book, "The War of Art", responding to his own early days of living in chaos:

"The professional cannot live like that. He is on a mission. He will not tolerate disorder. He eliminates chaos from his world in order to banish it from his mind. He wants the carpet vacuumed and the threshhold swept, so the Muse may enter and not soil her gown."

I should know better. It's what I do for a living - design and professional organizing. The power of design, beauty and order is life-changing; don't underestimate it. While at CWAF I redesigned manager Rachel's living quarters. She said she needed her place to be a sanctuary, a harbor of calm and serenity where she could restore herself from the relentless forces she faced every day. When we were finished, I would say it looked like a serene art gallery in a spa-like setting (without having spent a lot of money!) She told me it changed her life. From the day it was completed, Rachel reported she was able, for the first time, to sleep through the night. And she told me the two things she is most proud of are her raising of 2 baby gorillas, and having her place designed by a New York City interior designer.

Yesterday I was telling someone how thankful I am that someone brainstormed the idea of this Blog for me. Without it, I'd not be able to capture fleeting yet potentially valuable or even profound thoughts that flash through my mind. Another supportive tidbit from novelist Wally Lamb who wrote in O Magazine about his teaching writing at a women's correctional institution:

"Michelangelo, the 16th-century artistic genius, once said this about his work: 'I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.' My inmate students, you, and I are damaged angels-in-waiting who have the potential to sculpt our best selves with the aid of paper and pen. The rehabilitative power of our words invites us to test our still-wet wings, tentatively at first and then with greater and greater assurance. And as that happens, we rise above the concrete and razor wire of painful memories, baffling personal mysteries, and imprisoning secrets. Our load lightens, our perspective changes. We fly away."

And another excerpt from the article on the author's truths about personal writing, that resonated with me:

"In writing, as in life, voice is crucial. Your voice has been honed by your family, your ethnic heritage, your neighborhood, and your education. It is the music of what you mean in the world. Imitate no one. Your uniqueness - your authenticity - is your strength."

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Emotions swagger back and forth inside as I think about the undertaking and all. Yesterday, my friend Oliver and I were brainstorming over sushi lunch as we discussed the ideas of my going back, all the possible projects and grants, and then designing a high quality intentional community upon return. When I'm on those topics, I'm "in the zone" almost swooning with energy and exuberance and passion. Close to tears of joy and compassion - it's when I always get a strong visual of those innocent gorillas with that soulful penetrating gaze into to the eyes of we humans as if to ask, "Why?" "Why are you doing this to us? We haven't hurt you! We haven't done anything to you" Why?" I'm researching this fact, but I believe that no gorilla has ever killed a human. Ever.

When I tap into this, there is no question in my mind what I want to do, what I must do. I am not just walking towards this goal - I am sprinting towards it. No need to ponder why I'm not getting something done to facilitate it. That's when I know absolutely it's the right direction.

Last night at a wonderful art opening of folk art, I made some potentially valuable connections with an art consultant, a grant writer, and a curator. Most exciting, too, I actually made arrangements to speak to 25 third graders at a nearby school about gorillas and the primates and conservation! The teacher I met is so excited; she said her students right now, for whatever reason, are "into" gorillas. They also undertake projects to help with causes - last year was Heifer International. She said it will be thrilling for them to meet and talk with a person who was actually in the jungle living out the experience with the primates rather than it being an abstract concept. And there is a strong possibility of them helping CWAF.

The "bad" is still the scary thoughts about income. And it is tapping into my childhood thoughts of poverty in my later years.

The "ugly" is my apartment right now because my projects are strewn all over it and I haven't done any housecleaning for a while!

Scary

Today's overpowering emotion is thinking about being away for so long...

Had a great uplifting coversation with Susan from The Gorilla Foundation about all the possibilities, and reminding myself of how powerful a calling it is when I think of the gorillas and their innocence. I recently watched "Snowflake the White Gorilla" about a unique albino gorilla who lived out most of its life at the zoo in Barcelona. What we haven't known about gorillas, and the tragic lives the gorillas have had to go through during our humans' desire to hold them captive, is agonizing to watch.

Susan and I talked about lots of possible projects to help the local communities. I'll be seeking grants for these. And I need to spend time during the next few months to check on other opportunities while I am in Cameroon.

After that, a friend reported back to me on findings about technology. It seems like I may indeed be able to make the first Internet transmission of email (and possibly Webcam!) from the sanctuary.

This morning my Israeli photographer Guy Evron gave me permission to publish a book containing his photographs on Yoda. Something like "My Monkey and Me." It needs to be a STRONG environmental / conservation message. Like the only reason I was in her life was to help her survive and thrive with other monkeys - what a privilege it was, and how rare. And how we are not supposed to be in their lives at all....but it is because of humans that we humans have to intervene - for a moment. Still in the works.

Last night my financial planner and I spoke for half an hour about the strategies for my "leap off the bridge." My friends Phyllis and Steve in North Carolina await my cat's arrival, followed by mine. These friends are golden. They've watned me to live with them for the last 8 years. It may finally come true.

I also need to research cheap air fares to see if it's feasible for me to attend the PASA managers conference in Sierra Leone in April. Rachel wouldn't have suggested it to me if she didn't think it was important. Rachel doesn't mention anything lightly. I feel honored that she even mentioned it. My friends from Dakar, and Susan, have given me leads on researching air fares. I think this is an important step.

Researching hunting boots.

Time Slows Down

This morning as I went to buy notebook dividers for the project book I'm keeping, it occurred to me how ceremonial it all feels when one is preparing for some specific thing in the future. I imagine this must be what it's like when one is planning a wedding or planning for a baby. Without some big, tangible goal in front, time races by. Sometimes I've been struck by how 6 months passed in a flash, with more of "the same..." With a specific date and goal, time seems drawn out (and at other times, of course, to disappear in a flash!) But there's no doubt that the sense of time is altered.

Yesterday was a magnificent, meaty brainstorming session with my friend who's a professional fundraiser for nonprofits. He gave me step-by-step features to include in a proposal for a grant, and how to search for them most effectively.

I'm going back to Cameroon!

Yesterday morning, Rachel answered my email. I'm going back!!! I'll leave at the end of December and work at CWAF for 6 months. She also told me about a conference in April which is for managers of the 18 African primate sanctuaries under the umbrella of PASA (Pan African Sanctuaries Alliance). If there's an angel investor who will donate airmiles for me to go, I'll do it in a second. PASA is headquartered in Portland, OR - I got to hang out with the executive director Doug at the Gorilla Workshop 2 weeks ago. He's fabulous!

Now, a flurry of action. Nervous and excited. Here are all the categories I'm thinking about, and the action items. I've started a notebook to carry around with me all the time, so I can log things as I think of them and track progress. Keep the things from having to spin around in my head all the time. Here are the categories so far:
1 Table of Contents
2 General To-Do List
3 Health / meds
4 Food / supplies
5 Funding
6 Technology
7 Insurance
8 Re-entry/ living situations
9 Expenses
10 Overall budget (monthly) for when I'm away

As I think of topics, I list them and use them as my working list. For example, under Insurance, I am checking the conditions of COBRA insurance - how long, how much per month. I found out it doesn't cover long term disability, so I need to check into that because it is important (especially if I'll be in the jungles of Africa, where risks of infirmity might be a little higher - alathough arguably not much higher than New York City!).

Another example under Insurance: I intend to sell or donate my car before I go (it's a 1991 Honda and I'm not prepared to garage it for almost a year; when I return, I'll buy a newer one). Since I don't want to cancel my insurance with my company completely, I got a quote that it'll be only $4 for a year to have my insurance dormant until I return and need it again. They don't cover Africa anyway.

I'll sign up for French lessons for the year. Although it's easy to get by speaking English at CWAF, French comes in very handy as some of the workers and all of the villagers only speak French.

I've been at my company for 27 1/2 years and it's been my stability in many ways and allowed me the freedom to go on exotic journeys. Only this afternoon I had an epiphany - I have 11 months to research and find other extraordinary projects that align with my current goals and passions. That's a long time to lay the groundwork and I have an extraordinary network of friends who can help me brainstorm. What fun!!! So I already contacted a few today - the head of PASA and Susan, my friend the executive director of The Gorilla Foundation. I've made a list of other people to contact, too. This is my chance to go spend time volunteering at different entities I've been wanting to help - like Gesundheit in West Virginia (founded by Patch Adams); Yestermorrow, a sustainable design homebuilding / construction school in Vermont; an acquaintance's project, building a school in Virginia; so many things, so little time! And this could also be the chance when I return to visit my brother for a while, my friends in North Carolina, and so on.

In terms of defraying my costs while in Cameroon, a coworker yesterday had the brilliant idea that I should seek grants - for art, conservation, cultural, primates - a whole slew of possibilities. So today I leveraged that idea and have asked 2 of my Barbara Sher groups to spread the word and find someone who's passionate or expert at grant research / writing who would like to help. I've never written a grant, and frankly it's not the heart of my passion or energy, so like Barbara says, find someone who does want to do that. I'll also post to Barbara's Bulletin Board - what powerful tools!

With my luxurious schedule, I'm delighted I'll have 11 months to research the most effective natural insect repellents and anti-itch creams. When I was at CWAF last summer, I got bitten by every insect known to Man. Rachel said I got more bites than anyone she'd seen. And they all preferred different body parts - fleas up to my knees, spiders on the outside of my thighs, ants on the insides of my thights, no see'ums (mot mots) on my forearms, head, face and hands, mosquitoes on my face, and some unidentifiable creatures around my midsection. I couldn't use the repellents I'd brought since they all had DEET which would have been toxic to my baby monkeys who were living on my body. As far as the anti-itch creams go, I looked over all the recommended ones and can tell you I tried them all and none of them work. So hopefully the repellents work!

Connectivity will be valuable there. I can spend time researching how to get Internet connection for a computer via my cell phone. The only place at CWAF to get phone connection is at the top of the hill near the sub-adult gorillas. If I succeed, I believe it will be the first transmission of Internet at CWAF. Luckily I have access to brilliant techies here in New YOrk.

That's it for the moment. As you can see, my brain is racing. It's important to write it all down so I can stay calm.








I've reached out to my friend Paul to strategize about

Day 2....

Today I wrote to my friend Susan at The Gorilla Foundation, who was my buddy at the Gorilla Workshop last week in Orlando. I've told her of my intention...and asked for brainstorming ideas.

Today a friend donated $1,000 to adopt my baby Yoda.

I wrote to Rachel to tell her I can come for as long as she wants me to.

This morning I also told another friend how the idea gives me such a sense of peace and purpose.

The Commencement of the Adventure

Since I left Cameroon on September 3, there hasn't been a single day I haven't thought about it. I've been forming ideas for how to fundraise, do artwork to create awareness and gather donations, signed up for Barbara Sher's WriteSpeak workshop so I can communicate more effectively on behalf of the beloved primates. And January 25 through 28 I attended an international Gorilla Workshop at Animal Kingdom in Orlando where I got the privilege of meeting to top people in the world - the ones on the front line - fighting the good fight to save gorillas from extinction. It was amazing, and I hadn't realized how much I'd picked up by osmosis from my 3 months hearing and observing Rachel Hogan's strong, quiet guidance at CWAF.
We've been corresponding frequently and she reports to me about my monkeys I raised - Yoda, Maasai and Jimmy Jimmy. Practically every time, she asks me when I'm coming back.

This morning, reading yesterday's email from her, it landed on me differently. It occurred to me that in addition to being very useful to her while here, spreading the word about CWAF and orphaned primates and the bushmeat crisis, I could be really valuable to her there. I want nothing more in the world than to help her and her mission. And being there, I could be helping, give her some back-up ("I've got your back!"), see my "children", help with construction projects and general improvements, and I could paint my portraits. Of course I could see my monkeys and meet more, and observe the beloved gorillas. It suddenly flooded into me. I could also implement some of the community projects like I just heard about at the Gorilla Workshop, like building small ovens out of local material, which cost about $3 each, and reduce wood consumption by 75%. (It is the wood consumption that partially increases the demand for wood, which denude the forests, which creates gorilla orphans). Rachel doesn't ask things lightly.... and it is no light matter that one of the heads of my company just donated airmiles for me to return to Cameroon.

I called to tell my mom. It was 5 a.m. her time. After I prattled on about the concept, she said she was not surprised and she'd already figured that out. I had written my "ideal job description" on October 8, 2006, before I knew about CWAF. Last summer, 2007, I LIVED my ideal job (except for the salary). Every single thing on the list - I got to do. I am converted completely to the power of the written word.

I told my dear friend Maggie. She said it sounded like a calling. It is.

My head is chock full of ideas. I called my friend Keith to have lunch, so he could consult with me on renting and selling my condo. He said he can find people to rent and to buy (and that if they buy, I can save the 5% commission!). Even before I discovered CWAF, I determined I don't wish to live alone anymore.

This evening I called Susan of The Gorilla Foundation to tell her my idea. I'm setting up meetings with 2 nonprofits to discuss support of CWAF. And I'm wondering if I can gather donations before my journey to raise money for some living expenses.

I will sell my car.

Finally, upon my return, I am evaluating who I can stay with: Phyllis and Steve in North Carolina, Keith and Laura and family in CT, brother Jeff in Oregon, Barbara's place in the Catskills, a house together with friend Karen, possibly in North Carolina.

This is scary. This is the next step in my life. But there is no doubt in my mind that it is about primates.

Let the games begin!